i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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