How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
