Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am available for nakedness
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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