dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
