I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
