While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
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Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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