Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
