Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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