I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
