Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm passing your future prison.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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