I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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