Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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