Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we're making bets on your personal life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
