I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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