You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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