I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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