to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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