i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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