I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
