I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize