I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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