I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
