please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize