Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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