Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
