The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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