You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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