i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
