Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
