Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize