spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
