i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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