so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
