sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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