i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
