You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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