bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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