oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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