You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
