also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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