the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
