Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
