Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
