You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
