I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
