I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
