so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
