I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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