So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
