i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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