Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
