hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
