i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
