my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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