im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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