i just wanna soil my oats bro
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
