coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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