Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
